I know there were plenty of people I was super attracted to and then as soon as they opened their mouth, I was like, Oh gosh, no, dont think I could marry someone who has the IQ of a carrot, but really nice to look at, but thats not something thats going to keep our relationship moving forward. A frequent speaker at women's conferences and alongside Dr. Joe Beam at marriage events . Copyright 2022 MarriageHelper.com | All Rights Reserved. She co-hosts Relationship Radio, a Top 100 podcast in Apples Society and Relationships as well as hosting her own podcast on attraction which has received more than 400,000 downloads. In this episode Kimberly shares her amazing story, answers the toug It was the middle of the way through that therapy degree that I also started working at Marriage Helper. I love my podcast. My dad would be the first to tell you that during those three years he did things he never thought he did, said things he never thought hed say, went places he never thought hed go. Im very careful to not tell people when to divorce because I believe that should come from the person. I think weve worked with tons of different countries. If you even just start looking at how the family unit started breaking down really 50 years ago is when divorce started really being on the rise. At year 10, year 20, year 30, it might not be those butterfly feelings. You can go to youtube.com/Marriage Helper. Lindsay: Oh my gosh. Theyre constantly lying. Now, this is all going to come back together. No. Hi, Kimberly. She is amazing. Thank you, Kimberly. the thing now, when she found out that he was scheduling it, she got pissed and said it didnt count. Is there something to say about a person who still can unconditionally love someone, even when theyre going through the middle of that really hard time? Lindsay E. Preston Coaching, LLC. Our online courses are go at your own pace. Kimberly: I do have a podcast. Because of their unique process, Marriage Helper has a 77 percent success rate in saving marriages. We cant fear the fire, we must learn to become it. We teach you the research-based and proven material that works in this situation. Why is the mainstream media arguing that divorce is good in the COVID-19 era? I am curious before we get into all the questions of everything, how did you get into this? Not only that, it has helped our Marriage Helper Team- including our CEO, Kimberly Holmes! In this episode of Marriage Helper LIVE, Dr. Joe Beam and CEO of Marriage Helper, Kimberly Holmes, share actionable steps that you can take to not only reconcile your marriage, but make it better than it ever has been before. I want to go back to what you said of destructive behavior. Mar 14, 2023 Episode 145 Kimberly Beam Holmes, Expert in Self-Improvement & Relationships Do you struggle with emotional eating? Whether you're having trouble communicating with your spouse or trying to navigate the difficult emotions of loss, this video is for you. Kimberly Beam Holmes is passionate about saving marriages and strengthening families. Part of this is theres expectations that we get from our childhood experiences from either what we saw with our parents, brothers, whatever it might be, weve seen something and therefore we have expectations or weve seen something we dont want to happen and therefore, our expectations are coming from that. You're not alone. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. We have to honor commitment in our relationships and our marriage and commitment to staying with our spouse through the ups and the downs and not having one foot out the door, Holmes told The Christian Post. Some people say where were able to go and have adventures together, some say trust, some say having that romance that spark, some people say, when I know were a partnership and were equals together. Holmes: I owe my life to two people who learned how to have a happy marriage. Holmes: The next generation needs to understand why marriage matters. What does it mean when people say that? Sign up for our 3-part mini-course. We do that differently at work when we have that inside of our home. Commitment matters. Continue the conversation in my free online community, Get The 4-Day Accomplish Your Dreams Free Training, Kimberlys podcast, Its Starts With Attraction on Apple Podcasts, BEST OF THE "BECOME AN UNSTOPPABLE WOMAN" PODCAST, THE LAST EPISODE (FOR NOW) w/ My Operations Manager, Rachel Parmet, ENERGY IS EVERYTHING w/ Germaine Ehlinger, How she got into marriage counseling (this story is alone is so interesting), How to cultivate passion in your marriage. Research has been clear that the more sexual partners an individual has, the more struggles that person will experience in future relationships, including marriage. The couples that come to that, a lot of them bring their spouse who theyre on the brink of divorce. Kimberly Beam Holmes is passionate about saving marriages and strengthening families. Gambling, I would consider an addiction, and I would also consider that a destructive behavior if the person is spending all of the money, its affecting the way that youre having to live, its affecting your own sense of security and stability, then thats still a destructive behavior. I hope you enjoy it. We stop having the date night. A frequent speaker at womens conferences and alongside Dr. Joe Beam at marriage events, Holmes holds a masters degree in psychology from North central University. Marriage Helper | Save Your Marriage | Strengthen Families Hope If Your Marriage Is In Crisis Marriage Helper provides a research-based program that thousands of couples have used to save their marriage. Kimberly: Wow, thats really exciting. Kimberly Beam Holmes has applied her masters degree in psychology for over 10 years, acting as the CEO of Marriage Helper & CEO and Creator of PIES University, being a wife and mother herself, and researching the ways that attraction affects relationships. Kimberly: Ill start with the marriage. If my expectations were that I expect him to do absolutely everything perfectly, flawlessly without me having to say what my needs are or what my wants are, then I would say those are unrealistic expectations because still to this day, even just last week, we had the conversation where I said, I need more help around the house. He said, Well, just ask me. I literally said that. They came back together and remarried, committed to figuring out how to have a healthy marriage and they did! Lindsay: Oh, my gosh. If theyre drinking that much and wont stop, is it a destructive behavior that they can ever get. If you enjoyed it, share it with a friend. In particular, on this podcast, we're so excited to welcome Kimberly Holmes, CEO of Marriage Helper! In this episode of Marriage Helper LIVE, Dr. Joe Beam and CEO of Marriage Helper, Kimberly Holmes, share actionable steps that you can take to not only reconcile your marriage, but. The Pope, the prime minister and the elephant in the room, We can thank gay activists for todays epidemic of trans confusion, Freedom without choice is no true freedom at all, What Is Happening to Me? Im very passionate about it. Lindsay: Yes, so good. Hey there, Ms. Unstoppable, so happy to have you for this episode today. Regardless of the situation, what we teach will make your relationships better and help you to become the best version of yourself along the way. We didnt experience our turnaround immediately, but the bold hope and truth to which they opened our eyes stuck with us and ultimately transformed us. Weve seen it happen. MH International, 5016 Spedale Court #277, Spring Hill, TN 37174. Were seeing a lot of that in the world today. [laughs] Its very jarring. I was seeing 77% over here in what I was doing with Marriage Helper. The pair, who host a tabloid-style podcast where they talk about pop culture to address relevant issues for young Christians, contend that many celebrity relationships don't have the tools needed to last. Instead of making it, Hey, I want us to have an even better marriage. None of this was what I thought I would do. We go back to the whole movie thing. That doesnt necessarily mean that its going to end up the way you might think that it will, but theres always hope for whatever situation that youre going through. Yes. Theres also a side to argue of it, which is if a person is stuck in an addiction, then whats going on in their brain is more than they can have the choice to control. Think back to when you were dating. Kimberly Beam Holmes is passionate about saving marriages and strengthening families. Whether it is kids have ended up maybe taking the focus of one person and not the other, work has maybe taken the focus of one or both of them, something in their lives have started tearing them apart. For any given relationship, if youre dating someone and someone while youre dating is engaging in behaviors that youre saying, I dont know about this. All Rights Reserved. It is a mission a mission that has consumed his heart for decades. I would probably try and get some outside counsel to say, Is this actually something that is that destructive? Even if you dont do that part, if you are feeling like you are physically or mentally or emotionally hurting and being hurt by what is happening, then consider setting boundaries to protect yourself. The fourth step is aspirations. There are three parts of love, Holmes said on the podcast. Im like, wow, [laughs] and I do it to him. Theyre going to start formulating a story in their head of what a healthy relationship should look like. I know weve gone through our own ups and downs. Theyre only there to get divorce papers signed. Lindsay: addiction. It could even just be asking your spouse whats going on? Some different anthropologists and sociologists began looking at this phenomenon that would happen when people would have this feeling that they would call feeling madly in love. They started to quantify that. Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *. If the person wont stop those destructive behaviors, then thats not on you and you need to do what you can to get safe. This is what we were talking about a little bit earlier in regards to that limerence and when the limerence fades, what comes in its place? There are a lot of things you can do before ever having to considered ending it, but without hurting yourself. Its hard to say a blanket statement, but the bottom line of it, I think destructive behavior, if you as a person are feeling like perhaps your spouse is involved in a destructive behavior, then I would gain insight from a non-biased third-party first because a family member or a friend is going to be biased towards whatever you say. Kimberly: Totally you. During her six-year tenure as CEO of Marriage Helper, she has led the company to 6x financially and grown to more than 300,000 followers per month across multiple platforms. I Hate My Husband! Thats where were wanting something that can make us stop thinking about the hurt or the pain or the anxiety that the outside world is putting in us. Lindsay: It goes back to what you said is even when we do communicate it, because the one of helping around the house relates so much to my marriage, my husband actually says that to me all the time like, Do the dishes, do the dishes during the day, and I just keep forgetting. Right, Kimberly? document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Hi! All Rights Reserved. When you said earlier of building up a happy marriage, again, whats that line? This isnt the case for us, but if I felt like he was not supportive of me being a working mother, then happiness for me I would say that I need more support. Then that is where children begin to learn to do that differently. Her expectation that he should just think of it in the moment and that is what counts as it being her feeling pursued, thats unrealistic because now shes expecting him to be a mind reader. He has been seen on nationwide media and spoken to countless couples through live seminars, dedicated radio programs and books. Theres an evolutionary aspect to it. As I said, shes the CEO of Marriage Helper and you just have to wait until she tells you her story as to how she got into marriage counseling. Kimberly: I would consider most addictions, I say most because Im just trying to think, is there any that I wouldnt consider destructive? You shouldnt just say, Well, Im going to be stuck in an unhappy marriage just because this is my lot in life.. Kimberly: We do. Copyright 2022 MarriageHelper.com | All Rights Reserved, Join Marriage Helper as we celebrate the wins on. Just because Im attracted to someone, doesnt mean that I actually want to continue in a relationship with them. Always important, no matter how old you are, no matter how long youve been in a relationship attraction continues to be important. Hope youll give us another try and check out some other articles. Anyways, she helps many people every single year with their marriages. Call in by dialing 1 (657) 383 0812 and be sure to press the number 1 to be connecting to our call screener standing by!During this show, we will answer specific questions about marriage situations and who knows, we may just give away a few FREE resources that could dramatically change your marriage as you now know it! She lives in Tennessee with her husband of 11 years and her two children adopted from India. I was born as a celebration of their re-marriage and have seen how two people have come together to create a healthy marriage. Sign Up Now Research Based Thats the next question I have. Like in the past few days, since this interview, I just have a different outlook about my marriage. I really started to say, I think this, I think Im called to do more of spreading the word of how we can help more marriages on a larger scale over at Marriage Helper.. I want to see marriages saved and strengthened and better than the day they said I do. Get the recap of top opinion commentary and original content throughout the week. Yes, but keep asking me.. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. That still doesnt necessarily mean the marriage has to be over unless you feel peace about the marriage being over. My mind is already spinning. Alex and Shane chat about Kim and Ye, and times that they've fought publicly for exes after breakups. You cant trust him again. What weve ended up replacing that with is a deep lifelong satisfaction that still needs to be worked on. No, we should work on trying to make it better, but maybe ask yourself if your expectations are realistic and ask yourself how to bring them down to move towards them and meet them so that you wont always be dissatisfied with everything happening in the relationship. Im like, Oh, my gosh, I cant let this happen. In this century, theres a lot more things that are addiction, because of the way that theyre made and the way that we engage with them. How cool is that? our children, which is the best opportunity but to also change the communication were having and the relationships we have inside of our home. We have tons of free videos and then marriagehelper.com. We would all stop working, the economy would fail, all of that would happen. On today's live show, Dr. Joe Beam and Kimberly Holmes speak with callers about the following questions: "How can I save my marriage after we separated?""I feel like my husband is just coming to the workshop to appease me. Weve been married 10 years now. Now those walls are filled with prayer, love, and lots of talking. Everything I learned that weekend gave me the tools to help mend our relationship and keep future struggles at bay. Ive been on social media for two months now, Ive been taking a break and its been amazing. Like I said, my dad had founded it, but it came out of my parents own story of my dad leaving my mom before I was born. Read more. The feelings are not the same as it was the day we started dating or even on month 10 that we started dating. The workshops that we do, the ones that my dad had originally put together, they have a 77% success rate at saving marriages. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. They were divorced for three years. Its typically people when theyre at the beginning stages of a relationship, and there are these heightened levels of chemicals in our body. Holmes: Marriage is not an outdated institution. Going back to what your original question was, so how do we identify them? Again, heres what I hear. Kimberly: Yes. Is the slippery slope argument against ordaining women valid? Jeannie Ortega Law is a reporter for The Christian Post. Let me add this to my list of things to not let happen in my marriage. I can be so focused on those things that I miss, I love that my husband sat and read for 30 minutes with my daughter today. | Branding + Web Design by Gabrielle Scarlett | Branded photography by Valerie Rocio | Terms + Conditions | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer | Contact Me. Marriage Helper has been featured on the Washington Post, Good Morning America, and all over the world as they share their integrative research-based approach that has helped save thousands of couples - I respect Kimberly and her crew so much! Herman Webster Mudgett, more commonly known as H.H. She is also the CEO and Creator of PIES University. General History Group created on March 8, 2015. Not only have I learned how to have a healthy marriage from them, but I have been able to lead an organization that helps thousands of people have healthy marriages. CEO of Marriage Helper, Kimberly Holmes, discusses the 4 Phases of Falling in Love, how to achieve ultimate attraction in any relationship, and how to fall back in love with your partner. Kimberly Beam Holmes See all employees Updates Marriage Helper 759 followers 1w Scott and Ruth's marriage started off as a normal marriage, but it wasn't long before things started to. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. The reason I have a different answer, whether regarding if theyre dating versus married is because I do believe in marriage. Read more, An internationally known and respected sexologist and authority on love, marriage and sex. You can see our free mini-course that we have in all of the good things there as well. butterflies in our stomach, all of those things, its that excitement of the new relationship. Then after those firsts come and go, were left with, Well, whats next?, Then we get bored and then we dont have anything were working towards together, and we lose connection. What has happened in your life? *Your Host: Kimberly Beam Holmes, Expert in Self-Improvement and Relationships* Kimberly Beam Holmes has applied her master's degree in psychology for over ten years, acting as the CEO of. [laughs] I would be the one in my marriage that would be like, Heres the, things. Rob would be like, Do you not appreciate anything I do? physically, intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually to become a more attractive person. Well, then in my mind, Im comparing it to the first 10 months of our relationship. My podcast is called It Starts With Attraction. Today he dedicates most of his time to researching and developing new ways to help couples in crisis. They might be caught off-guard. Lindsay: [laughs] Because it is not my area of expertise at all. Again, with my clients, its Im working with them and what they need to do, but really, this is a two-parter. On this show, Ill teach you how to do just that. Youre right. For them, I have them just doing their own work for their own wins, but to apply it to their marriage again is like, Let me think about specifically my marriage and whats going well. I love how you said the conversation piece. How does that process work? Lindsay: So excited to have you. At day one, we asked, How would you define a happy marriage? Everyone has a different answer. If we want to see society change, it begins with the marriage relationship. Theyve already cheated on me. Well, then at that point, if youve been dating a couple of months or even just a couple of years, then you might want to ask yourself, Is this something that I see happening, staying together long term? Lindsay: Yes, but then my next question is how do you know when your expectations are too high? She al. This is something I have to come back to all the time, partly because of the line of work Im in and I see so much heartbreak and the hard things happening in marriage that I can over-analyze my own. Those are the people we get and still see the marriage saved 77% of the time. I want to go back on something you just said is that change happens with the family, right? Its building this lifelong connection with each other that goes deeper than most other relationships in your life. [laughs] I love it. Step three is attachment. Maybe the answer to this of how do you know if your expectations are unrealistic is even to ask, have you communicated what your expectations are to your spouse? This one might be the one we end with, is how do we know when its like, we need to leave, like its crossed that line? It is within the marriage relationship that love is learned and taught to children, which equips them to be their best selves as they grow up and contribute to the world. Then we have one called Exploring Reconciliation. You can still love the other person while that happens, but always protect yourself first. In a culture constantly telling us to be with whoever makes us happy and sow your wild oats while youre young, realize that comes with a cost, and that cost is your future marriage. The way we feel, those. If I can begin to change that way that I interact with my spouse and respect him and love him and have the conflict, but also work through it even if we dont come to an agreement, the same agreement together, at least learn how to respect each other in that. Its not necessarily easier, but just one way to really, Another thing that you could do is to ask yourself if the expectations you do have are realistic. You may not always get that answer the first time, but being a listening ear over a period of time to hear where is this coming from may provide the empathy and perspective that you need to understand, okay, is my spouse a good person whos doing a bad thing or are they a bad person whos doing a bad thing right now? He would start putting into his phone certain days of the month that he would put in his calendar, send flowers. Some people could argue here, what about if theyre addicted to work, or what if theyre addicted to their phone? I appreciate your perspective right now. Because of their unique process, Marriage Helper has a 70 percent success rate in saving marriages. Leave a review on your favorite podcast player and submit a picture of your review here to receive a free downloadable Wisdom from the first 100 Episodes book! It is a mission a mission that has consumed his heart for decades. I dont believe theres any one thing that a person could do thats necessarily unforgivable. I LEARNED SO MUCH FROM THIS INTERVIEW. (Yes, I'm shouting itit was THAT good.) Weve lost that passion. What am I grateful for in my marriage, because our brain is always just going to go the negative and what needs to be fixed and the next problem and all that. Join us as we explore . She remarried him, even though they werent necessarily in love at that time, but they had two children together. During her six-year tenure as CEO of Marriage Helper, she has led the company to 6x financially and grown to more than 300,000 followers per month across multiple platforms. Now, thats not to say that you cant have deep feelings of romance and intimacy in a lifelong relationship. One of the things Ive had to do, and this may sound cheesy and it also may sound really clich, but Ive even had to get down to thinking about the people I follow on social media. Im hopeful it will come out for you too. Kimberly: Thank you, Lindsay. He has designed and developed courses, workshops and seminars to help troubled marriages.