Whether this is your firstborn or your third, welcoming a new child is a beautiful time. They wouldnt have asked if they didnt genuinely want to help! Also, you wont care if the house is messy when you dont have visitors coming. Any advice? If you belong in the latter category but your husband wants visitors after birth, youre put in a tricky situation. My MIL keeps telling me how she had cleared her calendar for October to come visit. You have some really great tips for moms who may not have had a traditional experience a few years ago and are looking to have another child! We respect everyones right to express their thoughts and opinions as long as they remain respectful of other community members, and meet What to Expects Terms of Use. I don't want visitors after birth vilmaA08 May 16, 2021 at 5:17 AM I will be giving birth on August 8th and this is my second baby and all I know is that with my first I did not leave my house until baby was about 4-5 months, my husband would pick up groceries and take out if needed but I didn't want to expose my baby to anyone! yes people will feel a way about it but its not their day or time it s yours babys and dads so it dosnt matter they will get over it eventually. And once its delivered its separated from you. According to research, the uninterrupted contact between mother and baby in the first hour of the newborns life is critical to his growth and development. I had to sit her down now 2 different times to tell my in-laws that I dont mind them coming by after a few days but not staying here. Its not only terrific for your baby but for you and your partner, too. Visitors after birth - disagreeing with husband Hello bumpers! Oh my, I love the idea of a boundary keeper. We had no family local to us, so a quick visit wasnt an option since everyone had at least a 2+ hour drive. Suppose you want a way to say no visitors without interrupting what you are doing while in the hospital; you can put a sign on the hospital room door. No visitors for at least 2 days. Also, tell your husband that your body will do all kinds of weird stuff after birth that youd rather deal with alone than with families, such as bleeding, vaginal discharge, urinary incontinence, and constipation to name a few. Id put my foot down and not budge on this. If people really dont want to help, they can always say no. However, a stream of visitors may be stressful for you and intrude on your bonding time as a family. Making you some of these healthy freezer meals would be nice. But it should be ALL immediate family. Despite the reasons above, some husbands feel that their wives obligation to have visitors after giving birth to a baby. (This is how I see it anyways and why I feel so strongly about it) I don't want people flashing cameras in its face or trying to take turns holding it. etc. Moreover, family members are quick to point out what youre doing wrong and offer advice, which in most cases arent welcome. It is so interesting to look back on my birth experience and realize how not normal it was. Initially she seemed fine with what I said. Ultimate Hospital Bag Checklist For Mom, Dad, and Baby, The Only Third Trimester Checklist Youll Need, Newborn Essentials You Wont Want To Forget, 25 Practical And Fun Easter Basket Ideas For Babies, The Best Developmental Activities For 3-Month-Olds, When To Start Buying Baby Stuff The Ultimate Guide, How To Get Things Done With a Baby At Home. Your email address will not be published. She writes about pregnancy, breastfeeding, parenting, and other motherhood topics on her blog. Simply tell the nurses at the nursing station that you don't want visitors. 1 - Set Clear Boundaries Before Birth When my son was born, I hadn't really thought about the visitor's side of things because we knew he was going to be in NICU and that was our entire focus. After sitting down and discussing both sides, try to come to a conclusion. My babys health comes first and my healing and family bonding are a priority. Its not only your baby you should worry about, either. Once you return home, you no longer have nurses to help you, and its overall a different feeling from being at the hospital. She explained her husband's family - comprising of her husband's mum, step-dad, dad, brother, brother's girlfriend, sister, gran and grandad - want to visit about 10 days after birth, on . Even if this isn't your first baby, each child can take to breastfeeding differently. My husband and I were married last December and found out we were pregnant in February. She is a stay-at-home mom and a full time chauffeur who is constantly transporting her kids from one activity to another. 3 Lightweight Strollers For Travel (Under 13 Pounds), Find The Best Portable Car Seats For Travel. I was too tired to argue, but said it should be longer than 45 min to an hour (they live 2h away so it's a bit annoying to drive that far but hey, I didn't want them there in the first place). Dont feel guilty or inadequate; jump at the chance for some help! Give them this postpartum grocery list. I'm feeling really overwhelmed by everything. If you are not up for visitors, politely ask your visitors to leave. Postpartum recovery doesnt only last a few days, much fewer hours. If you know that you and your in-laws tend to disagree when it comes to parenting and caring for a baby, then you may want to limit their stay to a short one. Let's See If It's Normal! Except my brothers and sisters. Here's what you can expect during your postpartum recovery. This person could be your mom or partner, but it needs to be someone who wont sway when pushed a little. I would stick to my guns and tell her that while it used to be the norm for everyone to swarm the hospital, nowadays it's much more common for you to have visitors over when you're ready. Being a first time mom, and never been in labor before, I am not sure exactly what I will want, but have a pretty strong hunch that I will just want my husband, the midwife, and the nurse. Not to mention, it gives you the privacy that you need! Even if they came the day after, it's too early. After a nine-year struggle with infertility, Erin Andrews was more than ready to meet her baby boy. They believe that it's the only "socially acceptable" thing to do and it's "no big deal" to spend an hour or two around their family members. think twice before sharing personal details, foster a friendly and supportive environment, remove fake accounts, spam and misinformation, delete posts that violate our community guidelines, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. We will have a bit of time to ourselves before anyone is allowed in but i will be excited to share our moment as well. Your boundary gatekeeper will be the one who talks to visitors who show up unannounced at your hospital room door. In some ways, not having visitors can have positive benefits for new parents and their infants. This mix of emotions is caused by hormonal shifts in the body and brain. She just hung up on me right away and played a victim like I was never allowing her to see my baby. #1 Assign a family member to stand guard. So, in other words, dont let someone visit you after birth because you feel obligated to let them. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. Everyone knows babies arrival will be a total surprise (his parent didn't seem too happy but I honestly don't care). Hubby or partner needs sleep too. Hiding your emotionseven for just a few hourscan be damaging to your psyche. Giving birth to a child is an exhausting, painful experience. I know it feels weird to have people come to your home and not feed them or entertain them. Did any of you mamas limit the visitors you wanted to have right after the arrival of your little one? Yes, I'm falling asleep again due to the side effects of my strong meds and, no, I'm not showing you my scar. Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page so that he doesnt invite anyone over who would cause you additional pressure. By Phil Helsel. I am very upfront with my feelings and say it how it is so if I were in your position, I would say something along the lines of - I understand that you want to meet the baby but respectfully, this isnt about you right now so I am asking you (and everybody else) to respect our wishes and come a week after baby is born. Betty lives in SoCal with her husband and her two beautiful kids. For example, I told my friends that since I will still be bleeding all over the place and have my boobs out most of the day breastfeeding, I would prefer if they can wait to see the baby after we go home. Theyre swamped with more sounds, sensations, and experiences than they can cope with. They carry sick germs from school and are constantly getting their hands dirty. Mainly with my in-laws who suddenly wanted to be able to drop by unannounced. Wow Im so sorry she wasnt understanding. No matter how much you plan, there are just some people who wont listen and show up at your door without notice. They feel overwhelmed, excited, and full of love, but at the same time anxious, vulnerable, and distressed. to give you a hand in the most stressful time of your life. Masking and good ventilation help, but its probably not something you should riskespecially if those planning to visit are sick and/or tend to spend a lot of time outdoors. I wish I had the nerve to set appropriate boundaries after the birth of my first baby. Tell her that you are really nervous about being alone all day with the baby after your husband goes back to work and that you could really use her help THEN. I am talking about the endless stream of doctors and nurses coming to make sure you are, Do not feel guilty accepting help your friends and family are happy. They stayed until baby went off for 1st bath then let us have time alone. This way, youll alleviate some of the stress you might be feeling while allowing him to show the guests your baby. RELATED 6 Things New Moms Dont See Coming. May 27, 2023 at 10:57 AM. But talking it over with my mom and a few people that I know that have had babies. However, its important to set boundaries and come to a compromise that you can both agree on. It is really hard to keep people away from new babies, go figure, but stand your ground on what you want. haha. Everyone is different. People expect to get their wishes granted and when this doesnt happen youre the evil witch of the west. I agree, I told my husband that I just want it to be the 2 of us when we deliver. Maybe you strictly want immediate family or just a few close friends. Don't let her bully/guilt you into anything you don't want to do. 2. For more information, please see our Its also important to set time limits. Absolutely, it is okay to not have visitors! Even if the guests wait till after the Golden Hour to visit, you certainly dont want an audience while changing your babys diaper or learning how to breastfeed! This is a really big reason to limit or delay visitors during the first 2 weeks. Mom: "Well you can't not have visitors" Me: "Yes we can. Its only 3 days in the hospital. I was a postpartum nurse and saw this happen all the time. All rights reserved. Our in-laws live 5 minutes from us and came the day after our son was born. I'm having a c section. Im sorry you havent gotten that from your MIL.
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