Some guys are natural flirts. Youll never get his attention if you chase after him. You could even take this as a positive sign of sorts at least you know hes got a real life! Should I be reaching out to her first?. Ive been doing the program, and so far,have been super successful, made it through no contact, got onto texting and then phone calls, and about a week ago, he started asking me to hang out with him and, like, meet up. Id really love your advice on this situation, as its not in your book or in any of your podcasts. It's really not cool of him to ignore you for so long, so you really don't owe it to him to pick up immediately. also sometimes I can't respond back immediately, even if i initiate-is that rude? He'll either match your texts with a text of his own (a 1 to 1 ratio) Or. In fact, even if he does deign to show up after a few days, if this is a pattern for him, then he is not serious about you, and you . So, if you want him to initiate conversations, then you need to make certain changes about yourself first. That becomes a lot more impactful, and that also creates a reason for why he would want to initiate a conversation with you next time. Hi Simona I would allow your boyfriend some space, and if he does not get in touch with you in a week I would reach out again as he has not ended things with you right now. I'd really love your advice on this situation, as it's not in your book or in any of your podcasts. Your email address will not be published. Wait for him to call a few more times. Of course, this isnt true for all boys, but it is for many. If there was something wrong or bothering him, then most likely he wouldnt be responding at all. This can be annoying, and unfortunately, many guys do this. I did see he posted a photo of him and his gf but 2 days later he reached out first and asked about a recent trip i made. I mean, hes clearly interested in you, so why doesnt he just come out and say that to you? If you dont know what hes into you because your relationship was short, then you can always ask your mutual friends. Sometimes guys who are really into us will start to act shyer around us when they realize they have been acting too cool with us. Also, this is not in balance, at all. He's got his usually routine with friends and you're not in it. How Long Until Your Ex Misses You Without Contact? Dating in todays fast-paced, competitive world can be a real challenge, as can decoding a mans true feelings. The thing is, youre not even in a relationship yet and already you are starting to feel like you arent good enough? good Luck, You may use these HTML tags and attributes: If hes always texting you and youre the only one initiating contact, or if hes being really flirty but never wants to meet up with you, then chances are that hes just playing games. Even though he would like to because youre his ex-GF and he still sees a future with you, he simply cant because he has too much stuff going on in his life. And if this was the reason you two broke up in the first place, then you definitely need to talk to him about it before giving your love another chance. Another benefit of keeping the phone off or in another room away from you is that youre removing the temptation of responding too fast. If hes keen to talk once youve started the conversation, but he never texts you first, he probably likes you, but hes trying to be reserved and hold back a bit! Below is a collection of possible answers: When you like someone a lot, its easy to forget that they come with a set of unique flaws, too. What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. If youre extremely pretty or intelligent for example, this could scare him a little and make him hesitant of contacting you first. When you do, the guy you're into is way too charming and flirtatious, making you think that he's definitely into you. This means that hes likely got a ton of real responsibilities, too. It really does happen! but he also might not text first because he doesnt care enough to. You know thats not true, but thats not the impression youre giving him. Privacy Policy | About us |Contact us 2023 Think Aloud, Possible reasons your ex doesnt contact you first, 8. Sometimes he doesnt have time to reply to you and instead, gives you a quick phone call to tell you that he has work to do. He always responds immediately and enthusiastically, saying he's excited to know me more, texting about three or four texts to every one i send. However, if you are into it or you think it is sweet, by all means, go for it, girl! Watch Chris videos and read the articles about the being there method. You see, some guys are really insecure, even if they dont look like it at first sight. But this doesnt mean hes not interested in getting back together with you. But it does mean that hes not making a move and he wants to see what happens between the two of you first. Whatever it is, the reason is never about you not being good enough, trust me! I feel like Im at a stand still. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are. He isnt ignoring you in any way, but he simply needs time to think of a response that will reignite the spark that the two of you had. We have dealt with literally thousands of situations, and when you deal with that many situations, and youre talking to the people, you start to begin certain patterns emerge. Accept that he might not be into you anymore. This went on for almost a year then I let it go. Of course, this doesnt mean that hes not into you it could also be that hes really into you and is afraid of scaring you off by contacting you before you initiate contact with him. When I text him, he texts back but just simply, he talks with me, but theyre usually neutral messages, for example when I wish him good night, he wishes too but just type good night with no heart emojis like he did before break up and Im afraid he has moved on, but he still responds to my messages. This page may contain links to affiliate partners. They want to keep their options open and make sure there arent any misunderstandings. So if youre ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauers invaluable advice. by Giulia Simolo May 9, 2023 iStock/Geber86 There's nothing more frustrating than when someone doesn't reply to your text for days on end so you end up having to bite the bullet and reach out yourself. Later that week, same thing but he hinted that he was with his gf. Trained by industry-leading copywriters and marketers, my expertise will compel your customers to take action. In my own experience, I like to be with a man who isnt intimidated by me, simply because I dont think thats a good foundation for a relationship. Your email address will not be published. Since then, hes been a little distant, in the sense that Ive had to make first contact with him, and I feel like its day three now, and I kind of, I wanted to get your feeling on the situation, and the rules for after you start hanging out with, When you look at her situation, honestly, there are two questions embedded here, Lets first tackle the more psychological one. So if you want to give your man what he truly wants from you, make sure to check out James Bauers excellent video. So, dont put it past them to be above something like this. What you need to understand is that if you want to get him to reach out to you first, you need to engage him in pleasing conversations. Exes who are hot and cold are really common in this situation, because breakups tend to make people act a little crazy, and it tend to confuse people on how they feel. Use that to build emotional momentum so that he starts missing you. He has to think about you when hes at work and even randomly throughout the day. Because once a mans hero instinct is triggered, hell only have eyes for you. Heres what that would look like: If he isnt making an effort to see you in person, he might not share the same romantic feelings as you. Whats going on? Now, that wasnt the greatest conversation starter, but she wasnt my ex. No, theres always variables that you just cannot account for, but one of the interesting patterns that weve noticed has emerged is that exes, given the opportunity to be friends with benefits, and this is only really. Its something that weve seen time and time again. If you really want to decipher the real reason he never texts you first, you should pay attention to his body language, intentions, and personality traits. Hes letting you take the lead and set the pace, and probably thinks this is the safest option. Its a self-defense measure and, while its not that healthy, it is very common. should i still try and pursue this. When a mans inner hero is triggered, hes more likely to commit to you. I guess this is one of your biggest fears with this whole situation, right? She prefers communicating in person rather than texting. Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues youre facing in your relationship. It makes me feel annoying and like Im chasing him, I got used that the guy initiate more at the Start. If youve agreed that its okay to see other people, youre allowed to feel upset, but you cant really tell him off for it. I asked him if he's feeling better now and he said he's feeling great, that he was just partying like crazy these few days . If he never makes the effort to text you first, he might not want to give you the wrong impression. The one thing I would say about this if you are pretty sure that he is scared of rejection, dont force the issue! I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. im the type who sometimes puts my phone away for hours, sometimes answers in a minute, EDIT: thanks for the input, guys. It seems your ex has figured that out. So, your best option is to keep your distance and be patient. He Acts Like He Likes Me in Person but Never Texts Me. The problem is your ex responds to texts but never initiates. You never want this moment in time to stop. This is not necessarily a bad thing and it could just be that this guy needs some time to warm up. I want to preface this by saying that if youre even interested in getting an ex back, this isnt the first place that you should be starting. Going on a date, engaging him in something extremely exciting, so that he attributes the emotions, the exciting emotions that hes feeling, onto you. Because we dont have enough data yet on how women react in this circumstance, this is only dealing with men whove broken up with you, but given the situation between being friends with benefits with you or getting into a relationship with you. I responded honestly that there were plenty but that I wasn't interested. 1) He's playing games with you You're not gonna like this, but the first reason could be that he's just playing games with you. He might not text first because hes worried about putting himself out there, but will always reply to you because he genuinely is interested! Because if he is not interested in you, then why would you want to keep talking with him? The last thing you want is to come across as desperate, so trust me when I advise you to detach yourself from your phone. If your chats lately have been pretty dull, they might have taken a little step back. The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers. Get outside of your own paradigm. Think outside the box. Be honest and tell him that youre worried about him and that you think he might be having a hard time trying to make a move on you. I feel like I am making no progress. Required fields are marked *. He likes you so much that he is scared if he texts you a lot, you will lose interest! How can you get them to be the ones to reach out, I want to preface this by saying that if youre even interested in getting an ex back, this isnt the first place that you should be starting. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. It was a super normal breakup. He might like you, but not to the point where he wants to pursue a committed relationship with you. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Unlike extroverts, introverts have a difficult time opening up to other people and taking the initiative. This could also be because of past relationships where he wasnt treated very well in the beginning or where the girl didnt really return his feelings! Should I even hold out hope that we are going to get back together when the divorce is final and his busy season is over or should I just move on? Should I just be waiting for her? Now: what you want to make of this is 100% your own choice, I think it really depends on what you want. And if he doesnt, well youll know how he feels and where you stand. Now: if thats your style, there is nothing wrong with that, but theres also nothing wrong with wanting him to be sure about you. He might be playing mind games with you and just enjoying the ego boost of you showing youre interested in him. If I could, I would make this conversation last forever, which doesnt really do anything for the fact that hey, you need to pull back from the conversation. Try to e Mail him and tell him how busy yo. Its kind of like you have to put the energy in first to earn the right to get him to reach out to you first. If you think that he fits this bill and hes texting you back, then you can be sure that he still likes you. Privacy Policy. Maybe your ex has commitment issues and thats why hes holding off on initiating texts. We panic that the person we really like might not actually like us that much and is going to reject us. , so what we tend to find happens is immediately after a breakup, the pendulum will swing to being hot, and then it will swing to being cold. He and a team of expert writers produce authentic, honest, and accessible advice on relationships, mental health, and life in general. Now, the issue, the big issue Im seeing most people have, is they get caught up into this, I dont want this conversation to end, mentality, and they stay in the conversations too long, and the conversation dies out. Its a quiz that will basically teach you the approximate chances you have of getting your ex back, so that you know whether or not youre wasting your time in your particular situation. Today, were going to be hearing a question from a woman who wants to remain anonymous, so lets play that question right now. Your email address will not be published. Hey, whats up? He replied enthusiastically, he asked me how was on my vacation and he again asked if there were any hot guys on the beach trying to hook up with me. If he doesnt text first, but always replies, he might be feeling a bit intimidated by you. Theyre likely a bit nervous about how to play things and want to make sure they impress you. Did you like our article? You talk about things that only interest you. Tell him that you dont mind being the one who starts the conversations, but you arent sure whether hes free or has something else to do. He doesn't initiate because you're just not what he thinks about when he hops online to play. He did say that he cares, likes me a lot and misses me. I mean, if you really like him and you think its sweet of him to be so shy, go for it, girl! Some guys like to keep things casual that means they dont get attached, they dont get too deep, and they dont really invest much time or energy into their relationships.. I did. Now: when that happens, and his confidence goes down, that might block him from initiating contact with you. read this article on slow replies to understand your situation better, take a look at this article on late replies. For more information, please see our Sometimes in a relationship, a woman can get into the habit of behaving in a certain way that is unattractive to her man. Dont be shy to text twice. Scan this QR code to download the app now. You cant just all of a sudden say, like You know, youre texting him. In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation. In order to achieve that, you need to make a really good impression on him. I met this guy on a dating website a few months ago. It could be that he has serious feelings for you but wants to take things slow and not make the same mistake twice. Heres a link to the excellent video again. We had the best conversations ever in our relationship and I really want to get our zeal back, the chemistry back and also I want him to miss me and initiate conversations. Unfortunately, theres a possibility that your ex is leading you on and isnt interested in you anymore. If he doesnt, then get back on the dating website and find someone who wants to reach out and text you, there are lots of men out there! And I understand how difficult can be to figure out what your ex wants because Ive been in your shoes. All rights reserved. Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total), He never initiate texts but always respond, Help me understand men and how they think, I thought he had eyes just for me & was falling in love. Guy would respond and be all flirty with me but never initiated a meetingever. I wont block someone without talking to them first. I feel your frustration hereIve been in relationships where Ive done a LOT of the chasing and its exhausting. This is not something that only immature men do! If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach. Hopefully, this article would have provided some valuable insight into your concerns. So this guy gives you noticeable signs when you're together in person - not just you, but your friends suspect he likes you, too. He might not have dated much before, or he might be quite self-conscious and unsure of how to start good conversations and keep you interested in him. But you never know, your absence may reignite his feelings and he could start chasing after you. Hes afraid youll think that hes annoying and boring, and that youd outright reject him. Nothing too exciting. Required fields are marked *. You see, asking someone to initiate contact with you from time to time is everything but unreasonable! When you tell him that you like him but that you want him to initiate contact, he will most likely follow through! If you were actually present in your relationship then you already know how to keep his attention. I would sit there and think, Why isnt she reaching out to me? 3. I knew it meant something to her. Whatever the case, this is a great sign that hes still into you, so its quite okay that youre the one who initiates some of the chats. So, I met this guy on eHarmony and we really hit it off and ended up going on a date. But why does he refuse to initiate contact? Do not think that you are being rude. Try to remember the reason your ex contacted you the first time. Click here to watch the excellent free video, How to build trust and intimacy in a relationship, My partner needs constant reassurance in a relationship. Cookie Notice for now. So, how can you trigger your mans hero instinct? Scan this QR code to download the app now. You see, there is a chance that he noticed that he likes you a LOT, and so hes suddenly getting scared. November 20, 2020 "It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it." ~ Mandy Hale Sarah Vendegna Monica Burton Mary Rizk Amy Sherman Kavita Hatten Mary Rizk Anusha Zechella Sally LeBoy # Follow the below 6 tips Men won't always behave the way we expect them to. This is a commonbehavior, so what we tend to find happens is immediately after a breakup, the pendulum will swing to being hot, and then it will swing to being cold. Theres such a stereotype of macho men having no feelings and just being all ego. Youll see how quickly things change in your favor and he wont get enough of you. For more information, please see our By doing so, youll see how much (or little) he cares for you. Your messages make him feel good, but he simply isnt ready for anything big right now. How can you get that opposite effect to occur? A New Mode, Inc. 2009-2023 All rights reserved. Hes not much of a texter, so I had always been the one to message first. Top Signs Never initiates calls or texts -when does always general like "where are you guys" or "I need some information" - nothing to say hello now and again Never makes or accepts plans for lunch or anything else Avoids contact where in past was always around I met someone else in one of those days I havent heard from him and then told him I met someone. When there is nothing there. Or is he unsure if he wants you back? He gets easily angry and is very stubborn. And if he is encourage him to try more with you. Have a re-read of your messages and make sure youre not accidentally shutting things down or giving off the vibe that youre not interested in talking to him! But some guys are simply players and will have a lot of girls at a time, while never getting into a relationship. Or he's taken. We are very often guilty of making decisions on emotion alone, without really giving things proper thought or consideration first. Hi Jenna, you can post on social media, but not emotional posts or something that shoes how youre feeling about the break up. Pretty simple. Nobody wants to bother someone who is coming across as busy and annoyed over text! Its not enough just to end conversations first. Thats why your ex chooses not to text you at all until you are the one who sends him a message first. Perhaps he just wants to have a good time with you and if your paths cross more seriously in the future, so be it. But as time goes on, that pendulum swing becomes less and less, and they become more centred. Youre going to think about the most exciting part, or the end. Rome wasnt built in a day, and youre not going to get him to reach out to you first in a day. So, dont worry youre not alone. Of course, if youre not noticing any real signs of affection or flirting, he might not share your feelings of endearment. Maybe your ex wants you to chase after him. The thing is, guys like this often end up sabotaging their own luck because their own behavior is pushing the women away from them that they like! Thanks. Its just that other girls also have his attention and it will take some time before he realizes what hes doing and how hes treating you. Soon, hell ask you to meet up with him and to give him another chance. A man like that will text you back because he wants to stay in touch with you. It will take a little while to get over, but its great to know where you stand so that you can move forwards. However, some guys need time to think of the perfect thing to say to their ex-girlfriend, so that they can come across as positive and happy. Perhaps he doesnt want to give you the wrong idea. We all have heard that phrase, Absence makes the heart grow fonder, yes? They really like a woman, maybe a little too much for their own liking and they are terrified of rejection, so they do everything in their power to avoid this. So if youre asking yourself whether or not hes into you and hes always responding but never initiating contact first, then ask yourself: could he be scared of rejection? and our So, if hes taking longer than average with his texts, read this article on slow replies to understand your situation better. You see, some guys are afraid of approaching girls, which is why they dont initiate contact and let you do the work. But why does he refuse to initiate contact? Thats right! We share subjects that impact your daily life and we primarily discuss and write about all things related to relationships, breakups, mental health, astrology and much more. The truth is, we live in a fast-paced world where texting has become the primary form of communication between two lovers. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship. He asked me out for the first two, but I've noticed I usually initiate the text conversation. Of course, the guy youve got your eye on is not a perfect fairytale character, but a real person. Dont fret too much about his texting habits if you honestly feel like this guy likes you. The more time he thinks you dedicate to him, the less likely hes going to initiate conversations with you and youll likely never receive a good morning message from him ever again. Update on Hazing Investigation. If the answer is no, he might just not be that into you. Last updated: January 5, 2022 So, you two broke up and you used the no-contact rule to get back on your feet again.